Locked Doors

Each of us seems to have painful, messy, fearful and impure parts of our life into which we have not yet invited Jesus; unsightly rooms we make sure to keep closed and locked. I don’t want him to see and be disappointed. But could those also be the places/activities/thoughts where I am still hoping to find life apart from him?

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Beyond Today’s Fear

“Peter replied, ‘Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.’

“‘Truly I tell you,’ Jesus answered, ‘this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’

“But Peter declared, ‘Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.’” (Matthew 26:33-35)

Peter (Simon) strongly contradicted what Jesus’ said to him. Maybe this wasn’t the first time, but if he truly believed Jesus was the Messiah, how could he refuse to accept what Jesus told him?

The parallel passage in Luke’s gospel includes a preceding portion of the conversation that gives us insight into Jesus’ posture toward Peter (Simon):

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:31-32, emphasis mine)

Now go back and read the Matthew passage again in context of following these. Do you think Peter (Simon) really heard the next sentences from Jesus that Luke captured, or only the first? Perhaps he couldn’t see himself that way, as a terrified man, panicking, abandoning his friend to suffering, even death, to protect himself. Or perhaps, deep inside his heart, he had already considered the possibility and was terrified it might be true.

We all experience concealed moments of doubt, fearing what is actually true about our character, our identity, even our love. Would I act consistently with who I believe myself to be if someone I love was in danger? Or would the man I fear lingers in my flesh abruptly surface to take control, to preserve my self? This is a root of each person’s existence, a question silently murmuring in the background that we all carry into every day. But notice Jesus’ demeanor here – disturbed, no doubt, even grieving the agony soon to come between him and his dear, fervent friend. But not rejecting. Instead, in the midst of the mixture of joy and grief he must have been experiencing, Jesus provides him with evidence that the turning away will not be permanent; that he has already lifted his friend to God, strengthening his faith so that it will endure through the shock to his self-belief and the burning grief to come, and he will be able to resume his place with even more life.

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:3-6)

Jesus sees our mistakes and our pain, but he doesn’t stop there. His knowledge extends farther; back to the vision in his heart when he first thought of us before creation and beyond any situational turning away, to the day we will be restored. His work will not be thwarted, and I hope that you and I can also watch and listen for those comforting, subtle words from Jesus that wait on the other side of our own stumbling and grief. That we might notice them and don them as a cover of hope to cool and nourish our hearts until we’ve crawled through the searing flame of our fear.

Scripture Taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION

Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.

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